SPOOF
by White Shade
Summary: This is a complete spoof of Alice in Wonderland! Don't expect much from this, but read if you are interested. Sad attempt at humor.


**A/N: This is a TOTAL spoof of Alice in Wonderland. I'm listening to Tea Party and I saw this hilarious video on Y.T. about it. It was homemade, so you should check it out. It's FUNNY! Here I go. This may not be edited as well as I'd hoped, but please ignore the errors.**

"Dinah!" Alice kept calling over and over. "Uh, where has that hamster gone?" She searched everywhere until she saw her in the garden, running away into the woods.

"Dinah!" she called out, but the hamster ran faster and its owner ran after it.

Alice gasped as she saw Dinah disappear right before her eyes. She came closer, noticing Dinah had fallen into a hole. A giant rabbit hole at that.

"Dinah?" she called into the hole.

A rabbit came up behind her, and slammed into her.

"Oh!" Alice exclaimed as she fell into the hole. The rabbit followed after her, not caring what had just happened. She fell, and fell, and fell, until hitting the tile hard.

Alice slowly got up off the floor after her fall. The rabbit landed with ease and took off.

"Hey!" Alice called. "Come back here!" She noticed all the doors and couldn't remember which one the rabbit had just gone through. Looking around only confused Alice more than she already was. She found a bottle and a key on a desk. She took the key and drank the liquid. It said 'drink me' right on it, so she drank it.

She went through a small door to reveal a world of wonder. She saw that rabbit again.

"Mr. Rabbit!" she called after him. He finally stopped.

"What do you want!" he yelled as she ran up to him.

"Something to make me bigger," she pleaded.

"here," he said, handing her a piece of cake. She ate it and grew back to a normal height.

"That all?" he asked.

"Well I was wondering if you might have seen my-" she began.

"Good, now if you'll excuse me," he said rather quickly, taking off once more.

"Wait a freakin' second!" she yelled, but he didn't stop anymore. Now she was not only lost, but her hamster was nowhere to be found. She wandered for who knows how long until she stumbled on a branch. She got up, brushing off her dress.

"Great, just great. Mother is going to spaz now," she told herself.

"What's this?" a voice said, up in the tree.

"Can you help me?" she asked immediately.

"Yes, I can take you to the hatter and the hare, but no further than there," the voice said. It belonged to the head of a cat, which Alice found creepy.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm the Cheshire cat," he answered. "And you are?"

"Alice," she answered. "Please, I'm looking for my hamster Dinah."

"Never saw it," the cat answered. "Come." She was led to the most random place in the middle of she didn't know where. There was a tea table in a yard full of weeds and the cat disappeared at her side. She sighed, hearing the most ridiculous music she had ever heard.

"Excuse me?" she asked, but then she saw the two were asleep at the table.

"Excuse me! Oh my God!" she was getting annoyed with this place already.

"EXCUSE ME!" she yelled into the Hare's ears. He jolt up, splashing tea all over Alice, but she didn't care anymore. The hatter woke up after the Hare.

"Can you two help me?" she asked. The hatter stood up and walked across the table to get a closer look at the girl.

"Oh, it's you hi," the Hatter said. "Go away."

"What?" Alice said, offended. "That cat told me you could help!"

"That cat told you wrong," Hatter said, sitting back down.

"I can't believe this. I was only looking for my hamster, Dinah and this is what I get. I shrink, I grow again. I get an annoying rabbit who helped in no way. Then, I get a cat who I thought was helping, and then here I am, standing here, feeling like an idiot because I have no idea where I am and who you people are!" She was really mad.

"That sucks," the Hare said. "I'm March. That's Hatter." He pointed to the man in the chair at the head of the table.

"Okay. I'm Alice," she said. "Nice to meet you both." She was curtseying to these madmen.

"Okay, hi Alice," Hatter said, standing up again. "Do I know you?"

"I don't think so," she answered. "Look, I just need to know what time it is and how to get home."

"TIME, time, whose got the time!" March yelled.

"Oh, the time! Oh dear oh dear!" the rabbit's voice came as he ran past March's side of the table. "I'm early!" Hatter stopped the rabbit.

"No wonder you're early, this watch is a week fast," he concluded.

"Oh no! No way! You're shitting me right?" the rabbit said, as if in panic. "I'm _that_ early!" He took his watch and took off again.

"You were saying my dear," Hatter said, pouring tea.

"I'm looking for my hamster Dinah," Alice said. "Do you know where she might be?"

"Yeah," he inquired. "I do. If it's that thing over there in my garden, then take it back with you." Hatter pointed to his bushes and Alice went to search them.

"She's pretty," Hatter said. March didn't comment on this, and drank his tea rushingly. Alice searched through a few more bushes until she found Dinah.

"Come here you," she said, picking up the hamster. "Thank you."

"Oh, no problem. He was a nuisance anyways," Hatter said. He thought about this Alice and how pretty she was in her dress all dirtied up from what she'd been through.

"I thank you again. Now, I just have to find a way out of here," she said, walking away.

Once out of view, the Cheshire cat appeared beside March, who hid under the table as he saw him appear out of nowhere.

"She wasn't that hot," he said to Hatter.

"Yes she was!" Hatter countered. "I'm going after her." He rose from his seat, and March fell back asleep. Mally woke up to find no Hatter at the table.

"March!" she screamed. He woke up again.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Where's Hatter?" she asked.

"I can tell you where he's not," March said. Mally sighed, hunching back into the tea pot.

"Wait!" Hatter called, catching up to Alice. She stopped to see the tea man had followed her.

"Oh, hello," Alice said, hamster in hand. "You came after me."

"I can get you home," he said. "Even though I don't want you to leave." This made no sense to Alice, but she would accept the help he was willing to give her.

"Lead the way," she gestured. He walked along side her until they came to the Round Hall.

"Ladies first," he said and Alice entered through a larger door this time.

"Now, just climb out," Hatter said. Alice gasped.

"That must be a hundred feet up! There's no way. It's impossible," Alice said. Hatter shrugged.

"Only if you believe it is," he whispered. "Fairfarren Alice." She saw he was about ready to cry, so she had to give him a hug. That rabbit came into the hall while they were hugging.

"What?" he exclaimed. "Now I have to start all over at this rate! And I'm already early as it is!" He picked a random door and ran through it. Alice let Hatter go, but he wouldn't let her go.

"Must you leave?" he asked.

"I have to try. I don't belong here," she said. "I would never understand it here." He bit his lip.

"Alright," he said sadly, eyes changing color.

"Whoa!" she exclaimed. "Your eyes-"

"It happens," he told her. Alice tried climbing the hole, grabbing onto everything she could. She wasn't but a few feet when Hatter spoke again.

"You're very pretty," he said. She blushed slightly, thinking she was train wreck at the moment.

"Thank you," she returned as she started climbing again.

"I love you, I love you, I LOVE you!" he began quietly then getting louder.

"Hatter?" she asked as she stopped climbing and sitting on a bed that was on the somehow balanced into the dirt.

"Fez... I'm fine," Hatter called. She sat on the bed, seeing the sky from where she was. She knew it was only about 25 feet more of climbing.

"You sure?" she called.

"Yeah," he reassured her. "Just expressing my feelings." She looked up again, really wondering if she should leave. Life wasn't that great up there anyway.

"Hatter," she called. "You still there?"

"Yes!" he replied.

"What is like down there?" she asked.

"Where?" he asked.

"In your world," she told him.

"Oh, Underland?" he said. "Um, it's fine. I have tea parties everyday. Don't get out much, but I like life."

"Is there formality?" Alice asked.

"Nope," Hatter answered.

"People?" she asked.

"Some, yes," he said.

"School?"

"No."

"Work?"

"Only in the army," he answered. "Why?" She thought for a moment. She really thought about not returning home. Life was so boring up there.

"What's wrong?" Hatter asked.

"Hatter, can you catch?" she asked suddenly.

"Yes. I'm very good at catching, you see. I can catch anything thrown at me. March throws things all the time, and I dodge them, but I have caught my share of-" he rambled.

"Then catch!" she called to him as she jumped off the bed. Hatter looked up to see something coming towards him.

"I see something!" he said. She shut her eyes, realizing she was trusting a madman to catch her. She fell into his arms. He fell backwards at the unexpected impact on himself. She laid on top of him, back facing him.

"Alice!" he exclaimed. "I caught _you_!"

"That's what I hoped you would do," she said, getting off him. "Now show me around this place. I'm not going back home."

"What about your hamster or whatever?" he asked. She looked down at Dinah, who was still in her arms.

"She'll stay with me," Alice concluded.

"But where will you stay?" Hatter asked.

"I don't know," Alice said.

"Then, please stay with me," he invited her.

"I thought you didn't want me around," she said, tilting her head sideways a little.

"Not want you around. You're so very pretty. Who wouldn't want you around?" he said, rambling.

"Hatter!" she said, flushing red. He stopped his ramble. "Okay, I'll stay with you, but what about March?"

"He stays with me too, but that's okay because there's PLENTY of room!" he exclaimed, leading Alice away from the Round Hall.

Alice walked through the woods with her new best friend, awaiting the many adventures she could have that she'd always wanted.

**Note: Told you all it was random! Review on this if you want. **


End file.
